Hey guys, I wanted to share something that has been going on in my life for a while. My husband and I have been trying to conceive our second child for a while now. We tried naturally for more months than I can count and have finally been going the fertility drug route since January. I've not shared a lot about this before, although some of you that know me personally know about this.
I recently started doing daily hormone shots....not the most pleasant thing. And by recently I mean last night was my first shot, and it did not go at all as I would have hoped. I got home from church, got the box down from the shelf, laid out my paper towel and set about getting everything ready. I realized a few seconds after setting things out that the pharmacy had not given me any needles. You can imagine the freak out I had when I realized I might not be able to start the very time sensitive shots I was supposed to start.
I drove around to every pharmacy in my area, my husband called another, and no one had what we needed. So, I had to get into the car and drive an hour away to the Kaiser hospital that is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week. After a lot of nonsense (apparently the dr had only put in for one needle for me, but the pharmacist was amazing and sent me home with 15) I got to walk back to my car in a very dark parking lot and give myself my first shot. All of this with a creepy guy leaning against his car watching me through my passenger window.
So far, this journey of infertility has been anything but fun. We knew it would be difficult, but I think I was somewhat spoiled with how quick we conceived my son, only 2 rounds of a medicine called Clomid and we were good to go. This time, I have done more than a few rounds of the pills, and this time they gave me a wacky side effect where in dim light everything looked like it had spiderwebs attached to it. After I told the dr about it, she told me I would not be doing those again.
So, here we are, on out first round of the shots, and I'm terrified to hope. It gets hard to put on a smile and say everything is ok when I want to shatter to pieces. I spend more days than I would like trying to hold back tears. On the days that I can't quite accomplish that, I feel like the worst mom ever when my almost 4 year old asks me, "mommy why are you so sad?" It's a journey, one I had hoped I would not have to embark on again.
This time has been a lot harder emotionally. Maybe it's because I expected it to be easier because I had done it before, I don't really know. I'm blessed to have so many people in my life who care about me and let me cry and rant about everything. I think my husband should be sainted after dealing with me for this past year. This is me, and who I've been for the past seven months.